[Anyone] Letter from the Blue States:

[totem at laplaza.org]

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too, we've decided we're leaving.  We intend to form our own 
country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes 
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, northern New Mexico, Wisconsin, Michigan, 
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to 
the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and 
the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.  
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. 
We get  Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. 
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.  
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy 
families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all 
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have 
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't 
show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope 
that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 
90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% 
of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (Thanks, Iowa!), most of 
the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister 
schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and 
their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of 
the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob 
Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. 

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% 
believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that 
evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy bastards 
believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States